First, don't have a heart attack. I know it's been many months since my last post...probably my longest break ever. Life's been beyond my usual levels of crazed. But I still maintain as always that writing is a wonderful way to process and hopefully beneficial in some sort or fashion to the few of you who still might read this, so here I am.
Second, speaking of heart attacks, I almost had a cow today.After an especially late night ending around 5:30am [I say as I write this at 4am...can't sleep!], I began my day today at around 8:30. I felt surprisingly rested, or so I thought. A third of the way to work, I realized I had neglected to switch out the two different shoes I was evaluating to best accompany my work outfit for the day. Namely, my matte navy & two-tone shiny black heels [I'd show you a picture visual, but you'll see shortly why I am now unable to do so...]. Flashbacks, oh the flashbacks...brought me all the way back to high school days and my fateful first golf lesson footwear attire. Yes, this is not my first time. Think platform Skechers & Nike running shoe. No trend setting here! And decidedly not conducive for golf play.
At any rate, I almost turned back to amend this travesty [yes, even exited the toll road to do it]. Then, waiting at the light to turn around, I realized it was time to take another swallow of that dirty, nasty stuff I hate partaking of...my pride. Really, why waste the pricey gas & time costs just to further pamper pride I in reality need to stamp down & out?! So I unwittingly took the pastor's sermon I heard last night to heart: Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself...humility is the most beautiful cloak. Application time, hello! Owning my mishap...much to my coworkers' amusement. FYE, Jenn...at your service, always. And I obviously survived [the scorching heat, too!] relatively unscathed. It was only semi-difficult to own my mismatching shoes wherever I traveled today, to hold my head [semi-]high in feigned ambivalence despite stares & comments. Is this the proper time to insert a "practice makes perfect" mention? Hmm, maybe not so much [I hope!], much as I adore cliches.
Gym. Always good for de-stressing & processing. I decided after my intense workout to get a refreshing drink from dear ol' 7-11. Then the true fun began. It's amazing what can happen in a few seconds, isn't it? Your whole life can change. One moment I set my phone down on the counter--right in front of my very own face!--to pay, and by the time I got to my car, I realized it was no more to be found. People are shrewd something fierce. Some.
After "coincidentally" having extended discussions with several people today on my issues with truly trusting people, this icing-on-the-top-of-my-day cake did at first not sit well. At all. Combined with other things ongoing at the moment, the weight of one more thing toppled on, joining together in great cacophony with the repercussions still to come from them all. It's really not about a silly smart phone [although always dearly appreciated]. Or even the sentimental items I had stashed between the phone & case and photos of specials in my life now completely vanished from this earth as far as I'm concerned, sad as I am to lose them. I realized yet again how dependent I am on my cell. How can I communicate with people, or they with me, on time sensitive, important matters?! What will become of my keepsakes & photos now? How am I going to wake up for work in the morning without my cell alarm?!! I sunk my sorrows soundly into the "Rolling in the Deep" song...
...and then read a random devo online & had a little chat with God. I found these verses and took them to heart. Then came the peace, washing over me amidst the turmoil, peace which only comes from One.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. -Philippians 4:11
Be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." -Hebrews 13:5
What greater comfort is there, than to know the only One who will never ever fail you in life--intentionally or otherwise--is committed to be by your side 24/7? It doesn't matter if you're struggling to survive or thriving, He's there. So, instead of being so dependent on my cell & other things in this world, I have renewed vigor to depend solely on Him. PERSPECTIVE. Making & taking the best of any & every situation we cross. Just like my mismatched shoes, I was mismatching my attitudes on the day's events. Recognizing & fine tuning this back to the proper stance makes all the difference in the world. I played my heart to the wrong beat myself, initially, but now I've returned to reality [relatively speaking]. So much to be thankful for, so many blessings. Credit to the Source.
As Adele sang: Throw your soul through every open door, Count your blessings to find what you look for. Turn my sorrow into treasured gold...
NOW I can sleep instead of scream. Thank you, Lord...for reminders like these. Fun to go through or not. Ah, life's learning journey... Onwards to the next day we go. I, for one, plan to own it like a ferocious tiger, no matter what the day has in store. Rawr. ;)
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
Males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
Females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her,man is nothing."
Behold, the power of
punctuation.
*Special thanks to my dearest former editor, Mary, for sharing this fun gem. Oh, how true. Perception is everything. Or a lot, at least. This week, after an especially trying, drama-filled last week, I decided determinedly that this week WILL be better. Regardless of what happens, it's happening. Attitudes, perspectives--these help shape our lives...for better or worse. Always a firm believer of this, but what a great reminder this was, as simple & lighthearted as it may have been in its original intent.
So my challenge to each of you, my friends, is to strive for the same. Easier said than done oftentimes, don't I know it, but it's beyond worth it. Positivity is powerful, and often contagious. Spread it around, yall, spread it around.
Smile big until you believe it & it becomes the reality. For you and those around you. Let's make the world a brighter place. Let's try. Okay, I'll stop now--I know, I know--I took it a little over the top. But hey, extremes to emphasize the point...yea? Just like the book we're currently reading does. RADICAL!
Xinnian Kuaile! Gong Hei Fat Choy! Hong Bao Na Lai! *One of the benefits of being single, for those in the know. ;) Valentines Day makes some see red, but this may help take the sting away a bit, mm? Ha. Happy Chinese New Year. And so the lunar year begins anew, afresh. Year of the Rabbit--hop hop hop. The day we don't shower, wear new red clothes & eat candy for breakfast. Hoping for a blessed year for each of you up ahead.
"Don't look back..all you'll ever get is the dust from the steps before." Love these words. So very true. Yet so often, this is exactly what we do. Oftentimes hard not to, truly. Either focused on living in it still or it jades you to fearing moving into a new future that just might turn out as in the past.
Yes. A new year. Looking forward not back. Let's do this.
Besides, who likes getting dirty, really? Either full blast muddied up or white as snow clean for me. That's my preference. One extreme or the other. Once more fully healed up, I'm hoping to do one of those 5K obstacle course-filled where you get all nasty to the point of dumping your clothes. None of this skirting around puddles crap. If I gym, I go to get soaked. If I play, I play to win at all costs. If I clean, the whole house is getting transformed. If I start, I want to finish with a vengeance. All or nothing. Done.
Like Revelation 3:15-16: I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Hot or cold. No more lukewarm. None of this half-ass nonsense. Give me more fully the passion, Lord, please. Extreme dependence on You. And even others, sometimes. Blood-red passion for what is most important. Integrity. Growth. Deeper relationships. And so on.
Reading this book at work & with my small group currently. Talk about extreme. Platt is full of it. Whether I agree with all he says or not, I love what he emphasizes about us needing the hunger & passion instead of selling ourselves short in our comfortable complacency. What drives us to that, though? Often, going into those dreaded uncomfortable zones. The unknown, the uncertain, the challenging, the awkward. Pain is weakness leaving the body, for e.g.! So, I want to embrace those moments. Seek them out. I repeat: Let's do this. Game on.
So. Spitting it all out unless it's pure enough, intense enough, worth it enough. And not just the bloody junk I've been hacking out my mouth this week, either (yes, TMI, I know). Decreased desires for the temporal pleasures with the long-term suffering paybacks & heavy hunger for that which would drive us deeper within the perfect red hue of His unconditional love, of which we are so undeserving but He graciously offers us continually, even as we fall back to enticements elsewhere all throughout our lives.
Peace, yall. Let's make this year a killer. In a good, radical red way. <3
In honor of this special day, I’m sharing a few favorite MLK, Jr. quotes. Hopefully they can provoke some thoughts & follow-up actions, to convict or confirm for you as they do for me... :]
Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.
Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see.
An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
A lie cannot live.
A man can't ride your back unless it's bent.
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.
I know, I know, rather lame I keep making posts consisting of others’ words and not my own, but I promise the next will be mine all mine. I already have a specific topic in mind! And it shall explain my latest prolonged absence (not that I really need one because I've pitifully made it such a trend!). Now, if I can just find the time to write it out, we’ll be in “business,” eh?
Now I say to you in conclusion, life is hard, at times as hard as crucible steel. It has its bleak and difficult moments. Like the ever-flowing waters of the river, life has its moments of drought and its moments of flood. Like the ever-changing cycle of the seasons, life has the soothing warmth of its summers and the piercing chill of its winters. But if one will hold on, he will discover that God walks with him, and that God is able to lift you from the fatigue of despair to the buoyancy of hope and transform dark and desolate valleys into sunlit paths of inner peace. -Martin Luther King Jr., 1963
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Groundless hope, like unconditional love, is the only kind worth having. -John Perry Barlow
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When in doubt, do it. -Oliver Wendell Holmes
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To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
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So I'm not entirely sure how much I entirely agree with all of these quotes in all situations necessarily (LOVE the first-very poetically put), but they do make me think. Rebuilding & restarts. Moving forwards & onwards. New beginnings. Taking chances. Living life. Not in fear. Learning from past to mold the future "you."
Never cease to look towards the future (just as this "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow" song says). The past may shape it for better or worse, but there's a future to be had nevertheless.
So keep trudging, jogging, galloping along. Whatever you can muster wherever you're currently at, whatever it takes. It's worth it in the end. This I must believe...this I cling to...this I trust.
Thank You, Jesus. For life, for blessings, for lessons difficult & joyous.
